So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
