Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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