All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
