No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
When are your genitals available?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
