May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
