How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
