There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
