he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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