I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
