That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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