Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
