I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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