it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so let's talk penis.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
