the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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