are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
