WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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