the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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