Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
