Buhtt sex?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
