Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
