i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
