i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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