First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
