i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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