Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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