White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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