so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
