Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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