You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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