dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
