I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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