we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
