Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
