There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
