Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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