I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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