There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
