onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
