your thong is hanging out like whoa
Will you blow on my dice?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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