I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
