I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
