Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
