Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
