Do you still have your period?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
