apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
