you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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