yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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