Apparently you make a good broom.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
