mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
