we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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