I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
